Honest Automotive Taglines

As a former marketing guy, I’m always paying attention to slogans and taglines.  The automotive industry has been a breeding ground for some very inventive, yet very unrealistic taglines over the years.  With this in mind, I decided to make-up some honest ones for automakers.

Acura – Buy an Acura, your local car thief will thank you.

Aston Martin — See yourself like James Bond, even if women don’t

Audi —  Because all the people you hate drive BMWs

Bentley —  Phat cars for people with fat wallets

BMW — Even Chris Bangle’s ugly stick and I-Drive can’t stop our cars from selling

Buick — Buy a Buick, so we don’t end up like Oldsmobile

Cadillac — Really, you don’t have to be black or Jewish to own one!

Chevrolet — The best vehicles that cost-cutting can create.

Chrysler — Beauty might be skin deep, but our inept dealer network is nationwide.

Dodge — Sucking the world’s oil supply dry one Hemi at a time.

Ferrari —  The key to luring your third wife

Ford —  Survival is job one

GMC — The best work trucks for those whose jobs weren’t exported to
India

Honda — If your house looks like your neighbor’s, shouldn’t your car too?

Hummer — Every man loves a Hummer.

Hyundai — Aretha might be the Queen of Soul, but queens of Seoul drive Hyundais

Infiniti — Our cars are good, but our advertising firms keep ensuring you don’t know that.

Isuzu — Joe Isuzu says: “We’ll be around next year…trust me.”

Jaguar — As traditionally British as oil leaks and electrical fires.

Jeep —  Because the road to the mall can be such a jungle

Kia — You get what you pay for

Lamborghini — Drives fast, breaks faster

Land Rover — Can tackle anything, except the climb out of last place in JD Power quality surveys

Lexus — The best vehicles for people who hate to drive

Lincoln — The last car you’ll ever buy – at least based our average buyer’s age

Lotus — The best fifth car money can buy

Maserati — The poor-man’s Ferrari

Maybach — More luxurious than a Malibu estate. More expensive, too.

Mazda —  Our rotary engines are finally reliable now…but just in case, we offer Mazda6 and MX5 too.

Mercedes — Chrysler quality at a premium price

Mercury — Mercury is rising (to the top of Ford’s list of expendable brands)

MINI —  What’s more fun than dodging SUVs that can’t see you?

Mitsubishi — The Japanese makers of non-Japanese-like cars: fun and unreliable.

Morgan — If you want post-WWII technology, buy one of those German or American owned British cars.

Nissan — Yes we make great performance cars…just not for America.

Panoz —  A Mustang in wolf’s clothing

Pontiac — If Burt Reynolds is cool again, so is Pontiac

Porsche — You’ll buy anything we make, provided VW or Audi isn’t involved

Rolls-Royce — After a hard day’s work of crushing the middle class, isn’t it time you relaxed in a Rolls-Royce?

Saab — Quirky cars for quirky people

Saturn — If you like your toaster, you’ll love a Saturn

Scion — Be the hit of the Anime convention

Subaru — Even though AWD cars understeer like heck, every day is still a winding road.

Suzuki — Yes, we know the Samurai was dangerous as hell 

Toyota —  Then: Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Now: GM and Ford

VW — Cars for people who like to drive more than to shower

Volvo — Safety: you can’t get killed in a car that’s always being serviced at the dealership

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