Honest Automotive Taglines

fourwheeldrift

As a former marketing guy, I’m always paying attention to slogans and taglines.  The automotive industry has been a breeding ground for some very inventive, yet very unrealistic taglines over the years.  With this in mind, I decided to make-up some honest ones for automakers.

Acura – Buy an Acura, your local car thief will thank you.

Aston Martin — See yourself like James Bond, even if women don’t

Audi —  Because all the people you hate drive BMWs

Bentley —  Phat cars for people with fat wallets

BMW — Even Chris Bangle’s ugly stick and I-Drive can’t stop our cars from selling

Buick — Buy a Buick, so we don’t end up like Oldsmobile

Cadillac — Really, you don’t have to be black or Jewish to own one!

Chevrolet — The best vehicles that cost-cutting can create.

Chrysler — Beauty might be skin deep, but our inept dealer network is nationwide.

Dodge — Sucking the world’s oil supply dry one Hemi at a time.

Ferrari —  The key to luring your third wife

Ford —  Survival is job one

GMC — The best work trucks for those whose jobs weren’t exported to
India

Honda — If your house looks like your neighbor’s, shouldn’t your car too?

Hummer — Every man loves a Hummer.

Hyundai — Aretha might be the Queen of Soul, but queens of Seoul drive Hyundais

Infiniti — Our cars are good, but our advertising firms keep ensuring you don’t know that.

Isuzu — Joe Isuzu says: “We’ll be around next year…trust me.”

Jaguar — As traditionally British as oil leaks and electrical fires.

Jeep —  Because the road to the mall can be such a jungle

Kia — You get what you pay for

Lamborghini — Drives fast, breaks faster

Land Rover — Can tackle anything, except the climb out of last place in JD Power quality surveys

Lexus — The best vehicles for people who hate to drive

Lincoln — The last car you’ll ever buy – at least based our average buyer’s age

Lotus — The best fifth car money can buy

Maserati — The poor-man’s Ferrari

Maybach — More luxurious than a Malibu estate. More expensive, too.

Mazda —  Our rotary engines are finally reliable now…but just in case, we offer Mazda6 and MX5 too.

Mercedes — Chrysler quality at a premium price

Mercury — Mercury is rising (to the top of Ford’s list of expendable brands)

MINI —  What’s more fun than dodging SUVs that can’t see you?

Mitsubishi — The Japanese makers of non-Japanese-like cars: fun and unreliable.

Morgan — If you want post-WWII technology, buy one of those German or American owned British cars.

Nissan — Yes we make great performance cars…just not for America.

Panoz —  A Mustang in wolf’s clothing

Pontiac — If Burt Reynolds is cool again, so is Pontiac

Porsche — You’ll buy anything we make, provided VW or Audi isn’t involved

Rolls-Royce — After a hard day’s work of crushing the middle class, isn’t it time you relaxed in a Rolls-Royce?

Saab — Quirky cars for quirky people

Saturn — If you like your toaster, you’ll love a Saturn

Scion — Be the hit of the Anime convention

Subaru — Even though AWD cars understeer like heck, every day is still a winding road.

Suzuki — Yes, we know the Samurai was dangerous as hell 

Toyota —  Then: Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Now: GM and Ford

VW — Cars for people who like to drive more than to shower

Volvo — Safety: you can’t get killed in a car that’s always being serviced at the dealership

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4 Responses to Honest Automotive Taglines

  1. These are great! You should have some for the collectible cars, too, like:

    Ford Model T – Still the best off-road convertible Ford ever made.

    Yugo – If you can handle junkyard dogs, tetanus, and superglue–you go!

  2. Anea says:

    These are great! Reminds me quite a bit of the movie Crazy People with the ultimate truth in advertising eg “Volvo, Boxy but Safe” and “Jaguar – For men who want blow-jobs from women they hardly know”…
    🙂

  3. Michael E. says:

    A few meager attempts…

    Infiniti – Shift_ Advertising Slogan
    Land Rover – Steep parking garages, High curbs, Auto Shop Lifts, we mount them all
    Porsche – cough up the cash and you can pronounce it anyway you want.
    Toyota – when all you want is to get there
    VW – German engineering on the cheap

  4. Awesome and great taglines dedicated to automotive industry.You should also have some tagline for Heavy commercial vehicles, or autoancillary companies.

    Great Effort!

    From ANG Auto Ltd. (Delhi,India)

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