As a former marketing guy, I’m always paying attention to slogans and taglines. The automotive industry has been a breeding ground for some very inventive, yet very unrealistic taglines over the years. With this in mind, I decided to make-up some honest ones for automakers.
Acura – Buy an Acura, your local car thief will thank you.
Aston Martin — See yourself like James Bond, even if women don’t
Audi — Because all the people you hate drive BMWs
Bentley — Phat cars for people with fat wallets
BMW — Even Chris Bangle’s ugly stick and I-Drive can’t stop our cars from selling
Buick — Buy a Buick, so we don’t end up like Oldsmobile
Cadillac — Really, you don’t have to be black or Jewish to own one!
Chevrolet — The best vehicles that cost-cutting can create.
Chrysler — Beauty might be skin deep, but our inept dealer network is nationwide.
Dodge — Sucking the world’s oil supply dry one Hemi at a time.
Ferrari — The key to luring your third wife
Ford — Survival is job one
GMC — The best work trucks for those whose jobs weren’t exported to
India
Honda — If your house looks like your neighbor’s, shouldn’t your car too?
Hummer — Every man loves a Hummer.
Hyundai — Aretha might be the Queen of Soul, but queens of Seoul drive Hyundais
Infiniti — Our cars are good, but our advertising firms keep ensuring you don’t know that.
Isuzu — Joe Isuzu says: “We’ll be around next year…trust me.”
Jaguar — As traditionally British as oil leaks and electrical fires.
Jeep — Because the road to the mall can be such a jungle
Kia — You get what you pay for
Lamborghini — Drives fast, breaks faster
Land Rover — Can tackle anything, except the climb out of last place in JD Power quality surveys
Lexus — The best vehicles for people who hate to drive
Lincoln — The last car you’ll ever buy – at least based our average buyer’s age
Lotus — The best fifth car money can buy
Maserati — The poor-man’s Ferrari
Maybach — More luxurious than a Malibu estate. More expensive, too.
Mazda — Our rotary engines are finally reliable now…but just in case, we offer Mazda6 and MX5 too.
Mercedes — Chrysler quality at a premium price
Mercury — Mercury is rising (to the top of Ford’s list of expendable brands)
MINI — What’s more fun than dodging SUVs that can’t see you?
Mitsubishi — The Japanese makers of non-Japanese-like cars: fun and unreliable.
Morgan — If you want post-WWII technology, buy one of those German or American owned British cars.
Nissan — Yes we make great performance cars…just not for America.
Panoz — A Mustang in wolf’s clothing
Pontiac — If Burt Reynolds is cool again, so is Pontiac
Porsche — You’ll buy anything we make, provided VW or Audi isn’t involved
Rolls-Royce — After a hard day’s work of crushing the middle class, isn’t it time you relaxed in a Rolls-Royce?
Saab — Quirky cars for quirky people
Saturn — If you like your toaster, you’ll love a Saturn
Scion — Be the hit of the Anime convention
Subaru — Even though AWD cars understeer like heck, every day is still a winding road.
Suzuki — Yes, we know the Samurai was dangerous as hell
Toyota — Then: Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Now: GM and Ford
VW — Cars for people who like to drive more than to shower
Volvo — Safety: you can’t get killed in a car that’s always being serviced at the dealership
These are great! You should have some for the collectible cars, too, like:
Ford Model T – Still the best off-road convertible Ford ever made.
Yugo – If you can handle junkyard dogs, tetanus, and superglue–you go!
These are great! Reminds me quite a bit of the movie Crazy People with the ultimate truth in advertising eg “Volvo, Boxy but Safe” and “Jaguar – For men who want blow-jobs from women they hardly know”…
🙂
A few meager attempts…
Infiniti – Shift_ Advertising Slogan
Land Rover – Steep parking garages, High curbs, Auto Shop Lifts, we mount them all
Porsche – cough up the cash and you can pronounce it anyway you want.
Toyota – when all you want is to get there
VW – German engineering on the cheap
Awesome and great taglines dedicated to automotive industry.You should also have some tagline for Heavy commercial vehicles, or autoancillary companies.
Great Effort!
From ANG Auto Ltd. (Delhi,India)