Washington State’s vehicle displacement tax bill irks just about everyone

There has been quite a bit of uproar about Washington State Senate Bill 6900, which intends to create licensing fee increases for vehicles based on engine displacement. The goal, evidently, was to penalize fuel consumption and do more towards energy independence.

The fearmail going around indicates that SB6900 (courtesy of logic-challenged Rodney Tom, who represents the 48th District, including Medina, Clyde Hill and parts of Bellevue, Redmond and Kirkland) would impose fees as such: Up to 1.9 liters $0, 2.0 - 2.9 $70, 3.0 - 3.9 $225, 4.0 - 4.9 $275, 5.0 - 5.9 $325, 6.0 - 7.9 $400, 8.0 or over $600. Natually, all the people with V6 Hondas and Toyotas are seeing that $225 green tax and seeing red.

Liberal Democrats and hard-line conservative Republicans are both screaming about this bill, which during my time as a Legislative Correspondent in the US House of Representatives I learned is usually a good indication that it has no future. Indeed, when I first heard about this bill many weeks ago, the commentary was already in that this bill was essentially dead on arrival.

It should come as no surprise to anyone with any slight understanding of automotive technology that fuel economy has very little to do with displacement – or even horsepower, for that matter. Case and point, despite a 348-cubic-inch (5.7-liter) V8 producing 350 horsepower, my 2002 Corvette gets 36 mpg on the freeway, far better than the 1986 2.2-liter Dodge Convertible I also enjoy. Credit goes to the Corvette’s fuel management programming, low weight, tall gearing, and impressive coefficient of drag. Conversely, many low-displacement six-cylinder and four-cylinder cars utilize shorter gearing to overcome much higher weight and nastier aerodynamics.

Displacement taxes are nothing new. Italy’s monumental displacement taxes prompted Ferrari to produce smaller-engined cars for the home market, since even the uber-rich couldn’t afford cars with more than two liters. So when the rest of the world enjoyed the 308, Italians made due with the anemic 208, which in real-world driving simply wasn’t any more fuel efficient.

Unfortunately, there’s another bill making its way though the State Legislature that has a much higher likelihood of success. This one imposes licensing fees based on EPA mileage ratings. This is also fairly moronic, since the EPA estimates reflect a single test loop, and as the commercials say “your mileage may vary.” For instance, the same Corvette that delivers 36 mpg (top up, headlights down and in 6th gear) on I5 between Olympia and Seattle (a hilly 60 mph run of 60-some miles) carried an EPA estimate for freeway economy at just 29 mpg when new. The EPA rating also changed a couple years ago, so this car would probably get a 2-4 mpg lower rating under the new methodology.

The EPA states that the estimates are just that: “estimates”, so why tax someone based on something fictional? Furthermore, a car uses no fuel when parked, so using logic, it would make no sense to tax someone with eight vehicles traveling 15,000 miles total each year more than a single car owner who travels 50,000 miles per year – at least if the goal is to reduce dependence on oil. No matter how many vehicles one person owns, they can only drive one vehicle at a time…unless of course you own two King Midgets, which you can strap to your feet and ride like roller skates.

The only real solution for penalizing people for driving inefficient vehicles is a gas tax. This ensures only charging for use Taxing a car for a license is fine, but I know people with 30 cars who use less gas in a year than most single vehicle owners. Driving uses fossil fuels, not sitting in a garage.

People can debate the validity of a fuel tax in making people drive less until they are blue in the face. Whether taxing now to fund mass transit, or waiting until the cost goes up due to higher demand with shrinking supply, either will make people drive less. At least paying for the fuel one uses is a fairer system…you pay for what you use.

Presidential Automotive Trivia

As we roll into Presidents Day weekend, it seems apropos to mention a few pieces of Presidential automotive trivia. These are the types of tidbits that are completely useless except for someday providing the possibility of winning a free beer from your friends.

The first automaker to transport a US President was Studebaker. Before Studebaker made cars and trucks, it was a manufacturer of high-end coaches, which were the choice of Presidents as far back as Lincoln.

The first US President to ride in a car was William “Tons of Fun” Taft in 1909. Taft was extremely interested in cars, probably more than any other Commander In Chief since. He arranged to have the White House stables converted to a four car garage and ordered two 1909 Pierce Arrows to become the first White House automobiles.

Probably the most famous Presidential vehicle was Kennedy’s 1961 Lincoln Continental X-100 limo. It was customized by coachbuilder Hess & Eisenhardt at a cost of nearly $200,000. While it was a convertible, the car featured a removable clear bubble hardtop. After Kennedy was assassinated, the vehicle returned to Hess & Eisenhardt for what was referred to as the “1963-1964 Quick Fix”, which fully enclosed the car. This vehicle returned to Presidential service for LBJ, Nixon, Ford, and Carter. It was retired in 1977.

And though current President George W. Bush is usually seen in his Caddy limo or good ol’ boy Ford truck at his ranch, in his younger days of beer drinking and hell raising, he was notorious for ripping up Houston streets in a Triumph TR3.

GM’s turn-around strategy delivers “record” results

General Motors reported 2007 financial numbers this morning. We are pleased to pass along the news that GM’s newest corporate-wide strategy to move forward has produced record results.

Unfortunately, the record isn’t something to brag about: a $38.7 billion loss, or $68.45 per diluted share, compared to a reported loss of $2 billion, or $3.50 per diluted share in 2006. That $38.7 billion loss is the largest ever for an American automotive manufacturer. Good job guys! If you’re not going to be good, at least be bad enough to set some type of milestone.

Other journalists are trying to sugarcoat it, indicating that the huge loss included “special items”, such as the sale of 51-percent of GMAC in 2006. Without these special items, the loss was just $23 million, or four cents per diluted share. GM’s release also noted that its core automotive business generated record revenue of $178 billion in 2007 (a $7 billion improvement over 2006) and its total corporate-wide revenue was $181 billion, (down $25 billion from 2006.)

Let’s be clear here…there are always special items to report. GM is constantly buying and selling business units, opening and closing plants, reorganizing financial entities, and negotiating contract buyouts.

Case and point, GM offered early retirement buyout options for 74,000 union workers. This will go on future financial statements as a special item. Next year two or three other major special items will appear.

GM CEO Rick Wagoner said “Our North America turnaround remains on track despite the weak U.S. economy and continued high commodity prices.”

We all understand that the room gets messier before it gets clean, but Wall Street and the public at-large were not expecting the room would look like a tornado hit it when things were supposed to be going back into closets and shelves.

Wagoner better start making real progress cleaning up GM’s crap very soon, or someone else will be tasked with putting operations, as well as special items, back into order.

Picking the Best Example From Each Automaker

Here’s an interesting exercise: imagine a genie offered you the opportunity to pick a single example from each current automotive manufacturer. If the goal was to pick the model which best represented every company’s high watermark (weighing facts like sales, performance, quality, marketing value compared to contemporaries instead of relying on nostalgia), what would you take?

Figure the genie also promises to provide ample warehouse space, but no mechanics or extra money to maintain your selections. You can pick new, used or classic, and all examples will be in perfect condition. Selections must be production vehicles, not concepts. Finally, no hot rods or customs, which means a Model A would not be a high-boy and a ‘49 Merc would come without a chop.

What this exercise accomplishes is to identify if automakers are indeed producing their best work now or sometime in the past.

Here are my selections with reasons:

Acura – 2004 NSX: Without a doubt, the NSX is the most indestructible supercar ever produced. While the cabin is a wee tight for a person of my 6’4” height, the screaming V6, sublime gearbox and communicative steering more than offset the need to use a shoehorn for getting in.

Aston Martin – 2008 DB9: Quite frankly, just about every Aston Martin has been a fantastic GT. Cars after the DB4GT, however, were too heavy to be competitive against its peers in anything except for luxury and beauty. The DB9, however, delivers looks and V12 performance of the highest levels…and most importantly, doesn’t give the driver the feeling of a car that will be out of its element when the road starts to turn sharply.

Audi – 2008 R8: After my family owned an early 5000S, I’d be reluctant to ever own another Audi. I was actually a fan of the first Quattro Coupes, as well as the not-for-USA initial RS6. In recent years I’ve taken more of a liking to the S4 I suppose, though, that the marque’s best work of all time is the newest R8. It might hit the market with a diesel engine in a year or two, making it the best performing oil burner ever. I’m still warming to the R8’s looks (I’ll never warm to its six-figure price), but there’s little doubt the car is a winner.

Bentley – 1929 Speed Six Le Mans: Please don’t get me wrong – I absolutely love the current Continental GT, but the Speed Six with Le Mans touring bodies were among the most macho, muscular, fast, brutish sporting machines of their day. Any 1929 car that can hold its own in modern freeway traffic is great in my book. Sure there’s the heavy steering, inadequate brakes and outboard gear lever requiring a shot of human growth hormone to operate, but that’s all a part of the charm.

BMW — 2008 750Li: I know, all the M-series fanatics are screaming “what are you smoking???” As much as I love M3 and M5 cars, as well as the new 335i convertible, I still consider the V8-powered long-wheelbase 7-Series sedan the best road-trip car on the planet. Comfort, luxury, power, handling, space…like JC Penny’s “it’s all inside.”

Buick — 1953 Skylark: I’m a Buick guy. I was brought home from the hospital in a Buick Special convertible. My first car in high school was my mom’s LeSabre. The Buick brand offers absolutely nothing for car people, unless, of course, you live in China, where there are some sexy sedans. Some might say an ’87 GNX (lousy car aside from straight-line quarter-mile acceleration), or ’63 Riviera (no convertible option), but I love the high-end look and sleek drop-top lines of the original ’53 Skylark.

Cadillac – 1933 V16 All-Weather Phaeton: Since the likes of Packard and Duesenberg aren’t available to my list, Caddy provides the perfect opportunity to show that the Classic Era produced unmatched luxury. In the 1930s, Cadillac was “The Standard of the World”, something that even the interesting new CTS cannot say without making BMW laugh. When Caddy released the 452-cubic inch V16, however, it was unmatched. Call it restrained opulence, if there ever was such a thing. The engine wasn’t much to look at, with its very clean valve covers and ancillaries. The mill, however, was a torque monster capable of pulling the heaviest of bodies to highway speeds quickly. My personal favorite is the Fleetwood-bodied All-Weather Phaeton, which illustrates what glamorous travel was like in the day.
Even in the 1950 and 1960s, Cadillac never again achieved the level of quality, luxury and image as in 1933.

Chevrolet – 2009 Corvette ZR1: It’s simple to pick a Corvette, with this car being the brand’s halo, but there might be some debate about which one. Don’t tell me about ’67 L88s or ’69 ZL1s, because the 2009 ZR1 will absolutely destroy these cars at three-quarters throttle…all which delivering better fuel economy, comfort, and most of all, reliability. The ZL1 and L88 427 cubic-inch V8s couldn’t idle below 1800 rpms. On the other hand, the LS9-equipped ZR1 is capable of being a great daily driver, as well as weekend racer. And yes, I know it actually isn’t “out yet”, but cars will be ready soon.

Chrysler – 1957 300C Convertible: Some of Chrysler’s best work came in the Classic Era, when it produced its Imperial line to compete against Packard, Cadillac and others. Since the Imperial was coachbuilt, though, its styling was beautiful, but not unique. To get traffic-stopping looks, world-beating performance and jealousy-inducing elegance all in one package, only the 1957 300C convertible will do. Beautiful and wild Virgil Exner styling and “Baby Hemi” power (including the optional hi-po 10:1 compression 390-hp version) made the 1957 Chrysler 300C the ultimate banker’s hot rod. The nearly identical 300D might be rarer (191 convertibles compared to the 484 300C drop-tops), but the changes included tail light styling that wasn’t as clean, and a hi-po option that switched to using a fuel injection system that was possibly the most troublesome FI unit ever produced.

Dodge – 2008 Viper SRT-10 Coupe: More horsepower than any Hemi, plus great handling. It’s the best, meanest, coolest Dodge ever.

Ferrari – Enzo Ferrari: With so many amazing sports cars in the company’s history, it’s tough to identify the best. What the early cars lack in modern performance capabilities, they make up with sex appeal. Some of the current offerings don’t deliver the connection between driver and car. I drove the 599GTB Fiorano and it’s 3.56 0-60 mph run was less exhilarating than a 4.6 second run in my old ’69 Corvette. Luckily, the Enzo supercar delivers the best performance of any Ferrari in history, while maintaining a good “seat-of-the-pants” feel. When my brother was treated to a 0-120-0 test in an Enzo, all he could say was “oh my god!” The Enzo isn’t the prettiest creation from Maranello, but it is certainly an incredible statement of function over form.

Ford – 1912 Model T: The original GT40 was Ford’s best sports car on the international stage, but most of the credit goes to English Lola. Then the GT tribute car came out a few years ago. Anyone familiar with my work knows I’m not a retro type of guy, but the Ford GT40 was such a timeless design, that simply by increasing the size, making subtle changes and changing everything underneath, the GT wound up a totally modern car by all standards. Performance in the Ford GT is unmatched by any Ford of the past, quality is high, comfort is exceptional, and fine details (such as machined toggle switches) show what the Blue Oval can do when it cares. So why do I pick the Model T as Ford’s high watermark? Simple, it was the most dominant Ford ever in terms of market share due to the vehicle’s quality, design, price, and performance. All too often people discount the level of competition in the marketplace in this era. There were far more automakers in the Model T era than in 2008!

GMC – 2008 Sierra 1500: It’s not sexy, but it’s GMC’s best all-purpose workhorse yet.

Honda – S2000: I’ll actually state that I was really torn between the S2000 and the Odyssey. Stop laughing – if you can find a better family hauler than the newest Odyssey minivan in the history of the universe, I’ll eat my hat. While the Odyssey delivers space, comfort, great pep and handling, and good economy, the S2000 simply ups the ante by offering a screaming fun vehicle. Think Lotus with Honda reliability. There’s simply nothing like life at 8500 rpms.

HUMMER – H1: The H2 and H3 are poorly-built image vehicles for people who think that adding plastic to standard GM SUV platforms somehow makes them cool or bad. On the other hand, the H1 was a highly capable, no excuses go-anywhere with room for its width truck. If the end of the world comes, a good diesel H1 isn’t a bad choice in which to navigate the carnage.

Hyundai — Tiburon: Ferrari 550-inspired lines in a cheap GT car. Nothing from Hyundai is great, but the Tiburon is its best creation to date. The company will release a V8-powered large sedan to compete against the Avalon and entry-level luxury cars next year, so that vehicle will certainly displace the Tiburon on this list…but then there’s also a new V8 RWD Tiburon to compete against Mustang on the horizon, as well.

Infiniti — M45: A great mid-size sedan with ample power, handling, luxury, and sweet looks. It’s also a great bargain compared to its contemporaries. I just wish it was larger, because it’s just a tad too small for a tall adult driver to haul three other people in comfort.

Jaguar – 2008 Jaguar XJ Super V8: Combining the long-wheelbase XJ platform, Vanden Plas luxury and the supercharged 4.2-liter 400-hp V8 is a recipe for a great touring vehicle. The fact that it also outhandles and out accelerates an XKSS (and its lesser XK120/140/150 siblings, as well as E-Types of six and twelve cylinders) is simply gravy. Despite continued crappy quality, the newest Jags are better than those of the past with livable glitches and much improved ergonomics. If only someone would train the dealer networks, because Jaguar dealerships remain among the least competent at providing service.

Jeep — 2008 Grand Cherokee: Jeeps might be “Trail Rated”, but they rate poorly on quality, economy, interior size and overall ergonomics. If I was forced to take a Jeep, it would be the Grand Cherokee. In offroad tests, I’ve found the Grand Cherokee to be far more capable in most situations than the Wrangler, due to being much less bouncy. Plus the Wrangler’s driving position is like a medieval torture device.

Kia – 2008 Sedona: Gee Mom, do I have to drive a Kia? I suppose the Sedona is a minivan I could beat the crap out of without feeling bad.

Lamborghini – 2008 Murcielago LP640 Convertible: Trust me, I really, really, really want to say Miura. I’ve driven a 100-pt Concorso Italiano winning ’67 Miura, and it was a full-body experience. In my opinion, no other car in history has ever looked so impressive and turned so many heads when new, as well as when the years went by. Aside from looks, the 2008 Murcielago Convertible is a better car. It goes faster, has more secure handling, sounds just as good, is more comfortable to drive (although few actually realize the Miura actually has a very comfortable seat and ample legroom for the passenger!) Unlike the Miura, the new Raging Bulls are extremely reliable, courtesy of the Audi ownership.

Land Rover – 2008 Range Rover: If I ever need to get to the top of the mountain, the Range Rover is the vehicle in which I want to do it. I do have my reservations about the pick, though, as a good 1967-ish Land Rover is a heck of lot less likely to suffer a trip-ending electronic problem or mechanical break down. If you understand SU carburetors and the ultra-simple Lucas electrical system, nothing short of a lack of fuel can stop an old LR. I suppose, though, that the new Range Rover’s power, performance, braking, stability control, etc.. offset the fact that they are among the least reliable vehicles made during the last decade.

Lexus – 2008 LS 600h: Hybrids don’t really do it for me, but in the case of the Lexus LS series, the 600h offers more performance and better fuel economy than the standard gas-only 460. Either one is the best car ever offered by Toyota’s luxury brand. Even sports car enthusiasts need a car that they can hop into from time to time to go down the road without effort or noise. The LS 600h is a high-end living room on wheels.

Lincoln – 1964 Continental Convertible: Lincoln has been a miserable brand for the better part of the last three decades. Back in the 1960s, Lincoln was still considered one of the marques in the world, and one of the reasons was the Continental Convertible. With its suicide door configuration and opulent seating for five (or six in a pinch,) the ’64 offered the best combination of styling, wheelbase, engine power, and chassis improvements. Those questioning why I would pick a ’64 over a MKII from ’57, there are two simple reasons: 1) It was never offered in a convertible (despite plans to do so and a single prototype) and 2)it technically wasn’t a “Lincoln”, rather a “Continental” brand with MKII as the model.

Lotus – 2008 Elise: All the weight-saving no-frills formula of the Elite, Elan and Europa with construction enabling the cars to stay together for more than a year. It is amazing to look at the horrible build quality on a S1 Elan and realize people paid nearly the cost of an E-Type to buy one. The Elise is the perfect third car – wonderful on the track, winding back country roads and anywhere one can toss it around…but miserable as a car you have to drive every day.

Maserati – 2008 Quattroporte: We’re talking about the only Maser that has ever really had mainstream appeal. While the 3500, Mistral, Ghibli, and Bora were gorgeous vehicles, they were painfully under-developed. The Quattroporte actually has shown to be very reliable in daily use, which is fantastic, given that the car is one of the great performance tourers offered today.

Maybach – 2008 62: For a base price of around $385,000, you get a limo-sized vehicle that goes 0-60 mph faster than many GTs, plus offers a more comfortable place in which to hang out than most living rooms. The Maybach line isn’t selling nearly as well as Mercedes had hoped, but at least it has replaced Rolls-Royce as the best choice for old-school rich people who can afford to wipe their tushies with $100 bills.

Mazda – 1995 RX7: What a beautiful car! Great performance and handling (courtesy of springs so stiff that a three minute ride adequately mixes a standard can of paint.) The original Wankel-powered Cosmo was a luxury GT ground-breaker, the Mazdaspeed3 is a great little pocket-rocket, and the Miata continues to define roadsters, but the RX7 still stands as the company’s best work. If only apex seals didn’t wear so quickly!

Mercedes-Benz — 2008 SLR McLaren: Mercedes once made some sexy cars, including the pre-war 540K, the 300SL Gullwing, and the 300SL roadster that followed. Starting in the 1960s, the company moved towards heavier, more depressing cars. In the last decades most of the company’s cars have done little to raise my pulse. Finally the SL65 AMG came out, showing that a comfortable touring convertible could also be a fun, eleven-second quarter-mile rocket with great handling and brakes. I would have chosen the bi-turbo demon if not for the newest Merc supercar: the 2008 SLR McLaren. Unlike the last SLR, this one is a roadster. Enzo-like performance with Mercedes engineering and build-quality? I think we have our winner!!!

Mercury – 1968 Cougar GTE: I’ve long held the belief that the Mercury brand should have been killed-off prior to the Reagan era. It’s a testament to poor management at the Blue Oval that Mercury has been limping along for nearly forty years putting out mostly mediocre products. One must go back to 1968 to find a truly remarkable Mercury – the Cougar GTE. The Cougar GTE was not a Mustang with a Mercury badge, rather a well-appointed, extremely luxurious GT in the Facel-Vega, Iso Rivolta mold, but with a 427-ci V8 producing 390 horses. The big block cars came with heavy-duty suspensions, which combined with the V8’s massive torque to make it a capable road burner. After ’68, the Cougars got too big and too heavy.

MINI – 2008 Mini Cooper S: The original Mini would be a no-brainer decision, because it was all things to all people: economical family car, practical city car, fashion statement, rally car, and racer, but in actuality, it wasn’t made by Mini, rather BMC under the Austin and Morris brands, which no longer exist. So basically, the only cars from which to choose are those under the brand since returning to America. The basic Cooper S is a fun vehicle in a surprisingly useful package. I wouldn’t want to have to fit my family in one, but I happily use a Cooper S to autocross, rally or commute.

Mitsubishi – 2008 Lancer Evolution: Sometimes the answer is just so simple! The Evo has been Mitsubishi’s best car for years, but it simply took the company a while to get it to the USA. It’s actually somewhat sad, because most of Mitsubishi’s other offerings have been junk, plastic sporty cars for kids, or in the case of the 3000GT, overpriced, overweight, underperforming fashion statements. The Evo, however, is a great piece of purpose-built machinery – a no frills fun car that delivers on its billing.

Nissan 2009 GTR: Its amazing performance, good looks and great Skyline history make it the Nissan that journalists and enthusiasts will talk about for generations. It takes a technological masterpiece like the GTR to keep me from selecting the 1970 240Z, which still is one of the best sports cars ever made.

Pontiac– 1965 GTO Convertible: I’ve driven plenty of Pontiacs over the years, and I’m always amazed at how little content there is to back up the image. The SD-455 and ’77 Trans Ams TA-6.6 SE are both guilty pleasures of mine, but TAs aren’t nearly as fun to drive as they are to look at. Later Firebirds were better to drive, but man those things had more tacky plastic than Joan Rivers’ face. So to pick one best of breed Pontiac is tough. A fuel-injected ‘58 Bonneville would be nice, but not as great as the wonderful second-year Goat convertible with Tripower and a four speed.

Porsche – 2006 Carrera GT: Just like with Ferrari, there are so many great cars from which to choose. Porsches simply keep getting better – and now we’re at the point where journalists are slamming amazing vehicles like the 911 Turbo for being too easy to drive at ridiculously high speeds. Indeed, if it weren’t for the existence of the incredible Carrera GT supercar, I’d choose a 2008 911 Turbo Cabriolet in a heartbeat. (C’mon, a droptop that can hit triple-digits faster than you can say “sorry officer”, what’s not to love?) As good as the 911 series is, it’s no match for the uber-desirable GT, a car that won’t be eclipsed by another Porsche in terms of performance and exclusivity for twenty or thirty years.

Rolls-Royce – 1965 Silver Cloud III Mulliner Park Ward “Chinese Eye” Continental Drop Head Coupe: It’s a mouthful, but the SCIII Continental DHC with limited-edition Mulliner Park Ward body (featuring slanted dual headlamp clusters, hence the “Chinese Eye” descriptive,) was one of the last great cars from the storied marque. The Corniche convertible that came after was more than 500-pounds heavier, plus significantly more complex (especially the braking system.) R-Rs from the 1950s and 1960s drove well, but those in the 1970s and 1980s felt more like numb, bloated Buicks. The current Phantom is nothing more than a caricature…in England a new R-R owner is viewed as someone with money, but no style, taste or class.

Saab – 2008 9-3 SportCombi: The only Saab I remember really liking was the mid-80s 9000. That car, however, turned out to be a maintenance nightmare. GM’s involvement with Saab hasn’t really paid too many dividends, but the new SportCombi is actually a heck of nice small wagon. It’s basically a step up from a Subaru in luxury, but maybe a step down in reliability. Still, it remains the best Saab yet.

Saturn — 2008 Sky: Who would have thought that Saturn would ever get such an amazing roadster like the Sky? The division was teetering on the brink when the Sky was green-lighted, seemingly as an afterthought in a plan to bank on the Pontiac Solstice. Whereas the Solstice seems odd looking, the Sky is a sweet blend of curves and taught lines. Better appointed than its Pontiac brother, the Sky is simply a nicer package, and by far the best product to wear the Saturn badge.

Scion — 2007 tC: I think I’d turn this into an SCCA racer or a car to beat-up on the drag strip. The tC is a good looking car…unfortunately, all the cars with the Scion badge are cheap pieces of tin.

smart — 2008 ForTo Cabriolet: People frequently ask me my opinion of smart…my standard response: “dumb.” Actually, they’re great for Europe and Asia, where city streets are tiny and congested. In America, they are almost useless, and more of a fashion statement. If you want to say you care about the environment, buy one of the many cars that get better fuel mileage. Since only two models are available in the US, I’d take the Cabrio.

Subaru — 2006 WRX STi: What’s more fun than a WRX? One with more power and a really, really, really gaudy wing on back. The new WRX is too soft, and I’m not a fan of hatches, so I’d stick with the now gone STi sedan.

Suzuki – 2008 XL7: I once compared 25 SUVs back to back on both road and off road courses. While other journalists were jabbering about the capabilities of the then-new Hummer H2 and Range Rover, I was pointing-out that the Suzuki XL7 tackled the same muddy hills and dips in rear-wheel-drive mode. Suzukis will always be junky low-rent transportation—vehicles for people who don’t care much about what they drive, but at least the XL7 was a competent SUV that offered just as much usability as other choices two and three times the cost.

Toyota –1968 2000GT: For a company that has become the world leader, it’s amazing how few impressive vehicles it has produced. The 2000GT was by far its best achievement, being both sexy and extremely high-tech. The car has never been easy to obtain, because its desirability has maintained since before it even debuted. The only other car Toyota has produced that even comes within a mile of the 2000GT was the final US-spec Supra Turbo.

Volkswagen — 2005 Phaeton: VW has produced many cars that I thought were cute (Karmann-Ghia), cool-looking (Scirocco), or fun to drive (GTI). Unfortunately, I’ve never thought any of them were well-built or deliver enough bang for the buck to consider ever owning. Since the amphibious Schwimmwagen was never a production vehicle, I suppose I’d choose one of the much-maligned now discontinued Phaetons with the W8 engine. The thought of such an expensive VW made them impossible to sell, but the Phaetons were, and still are great drivers. Boring, but nice.

Volvo — 1968 P1800S: Leave it to me to pick the one attempt by Volvo to produce a sports car. The P1800 remains the prettiest car Volvo ever designed. It also was built tough, and thousands are still on the road. One gentleman has over three million miles on his. Simple, robust, fun – although a little heavy to get too racy, the P1800 combines style, substance and reliability in a way that has definitely eluded Volvo since.

Ford reports “good” news with its bad earnings release

Today Ford reported a 2007 full-year net loss of $2.7 billion, which translates to $1.35 per share. That’s the bad news. The good news is that this isn’t nearly as dreadful as 2006’s full-year net $6.72 per share loss of $12.6 billion.

The best news was that Ford didn’t evoke the economy as the source of all its problems. (Expect to see one or two automakers blame the economy, yet forget that the same economy allowed many rivals to pull significant profits.) Instead, CEO Mulally simply pointed to the decrease in losses as signs that the company’s rebound strategies are working. Key to these strategies is a push to accelerate new and better products to the market.

If there was one statistic in the earnings release that was humorous, it was that Ford’s Premier Automotive Group actually made a $504 million profit. You remember the much-maligned PAG, with Land Rover, Jaguar and Volvo. As it turns out, as Ford is in the final moments of Land Rover and Jaguar ownership, Land Rover actually pulled a profit. Volvo, the marque Ford wants to keep, accounted for an undisclosed loss.

Ford also predicted equal or better results for 2008. We certainly hope for better…no, for the sake of the company employees, make that “much, much, much better”

NAIAS Press Release Strategies: Quantity vs. Quality

It’s time for the Auto Show in Detroit, which means our email server here is hotter than a Chrysler turbocharged four cylinder engine with a plugged radiator. It seems that every five minutes a new press release from an automaker hits the screen.

When it comes to PR, companies take approaches that are as different as pralines and lint. While some go for a targeted, minimalist effort, others take a “quantity over quality” strategy. And this PR blitzkrieg is exactly what Ford chose.

The Ford brand alone sent out nine press releases on Saturday night. It’s like the PR and marketing teams figured that by shooting out enough press releases, the media and financial analysts will somehow forget the Blue Oval’s woes.

Among Ford’s “important” news:

• “FORD ADDS GLASS ROOF OPTION TO MUSTANG LINEUP, MEETING CUSTOMER DESIRE FOR MORE NATURAL LIGHT.” (Correct us if we’re wrong, but hasn’t the Mustang been available as a convertible for over twenty years?)
• “NEW 2009 FORD F-150: MOST CAPABLE” (Which we can only assume is “most capable being bought by consumers”, especially compared to the Focus, or even a glass-roofed Mustang.)
• “NEW 2009 FORD F-150: MOST CHOICE” (Evidently, putting out two releases on the same model is Ford’s tactic du jour. This one simply states that the Ford F-150 will offer three cab styles, four box options and seven unique trim levels for 35 different configurations. We can hear Ford’s television ads already: “F-150 for Pro-Choice Americans.”
• “EXPLORER AMERICA CONCEPT HIGHLIGHTS FORD’S VEHICLE SUSTAINABILITY STRATEGY” (We were surprised to see that “not killing drivers with cheap suspension, top-heavy bodies and OEM tires prone to separating” was not included, only better fuel economy.)
• “FORD REVEALS SMALL-CAR VISION FOR NORTH AMERICA” (All we know is that it involves a model called the Verve…and we’re guessing the rest of the vision includes praying to any god that will listen that people buy three or four hundred thousand of them.)

Then there are some other releases about the Sync feature (which responds to driver commands, with the exception of “make my Ford a Toyota.”) And as we were writing this section, Ford sent us another press release indicating that the Edge will go on sale in Brazil.

So to summarize Ford’s main message seems to be business as usual – lots of product teams going nuts, but nobody seems to be on the same page.

The Ford brand’s machine gun PR approach is also being used by Mazda, which sent seven press releases. Three were to announce that there will be three concepts at the show (but two releases covered single concepts, while the additional release discussed one in another release with the RX8 concept.) The last release we got from Mazda was to indicate that the Mazda CX-9 won the 2008 North American Truck of the Year Award, which would seem important enough to reduce the other messages coming from the company to elevate the impact of this one.

Whereas it seems Ford did everything wrong, GM did it right. Two releases:

General Motors North American International Auto Show Vehicles Are Driven By Design, Technology And Lower Environmental Impact

Chevrolet Malibu named 2008 North American Car of the Year

No confusion here. Good job GM!

Here are some other NAIAS press releases from this week:

• “AUDI R8 V12 TDI CONCEPT: DETROIT 2008 Audi is presenting a revolution in the top class at the Detroit Auto Show 2008 – the first 12-cylinder diesel engine in a high-performance roadgoing sports car. The V12 TDI with a displacement of six liters powers a concept car based on the Audi R8. This unit generates a huge 500 hp and 1,000 Newton-meters (737.56 lb-ft) of torque.” (24 mpg is projected)
• “LINCOLN UNVEILS ULTIMATE TOURING VEHICLE CONCEPT; PREMIUM UTILITY FEATURES ELEGANCE, SPACE, EFFICIENCY (Our ultimate touring vehicle probably would have a Porsche, Ferrari, Aston Martin, BMW or Bentley emblem, but we’re sure that some 75 year old somewhere who will look at Lincoln’s concept and get weak in the knees.)

• “Bentley sets new global sales record in 2007” Strong growth in both emerging and traditional markets takes Bentley above 10,000 units for the first time. (We’ve seen more new Bentleys on the road in the last year than we did cumulatively during the previous decade.)

• “BMW ANNOUNCES PRICING FOR THE ALL-NEW BMW M3 COUPE AND SEDAN AT THE 2008 NORTH AMERICAN INTERNATIONAL AUTO SHOW IN DETROIT” hen the vehicles go on sale in March, the Coupe will be priced at $57,275 and the Sedan at $54,575. (Watch out Corvette, there’s a more-elegant, better-built competitor with a V8 coming to your price range soon!)

• “Lexus Announces Pricing for All-New 2008 IS F” It’s a base MSRP of $56,000. (But if it’s anything like the sticker prices we’ve seen for ES350 examples sitting on lots, you’ll have a better chance of scoring a date with a Victoria’s Secret model than finding an IS F for under $70,000.)

Barrett-Jackson and “The Judge” Settle

I vowed to myself that I would never write about this again, but in the interest of making sure automotive enthusiasts know the facts, I felt it was important to report that according to Sports Car Market, Barrett-Jackson and the seller of the Ramchargers Hemicuda have settled.

SCM reports that the settlement was mediated on Jan 7, 2008, and that David Clabuesch (”the Judge”) issued a written, notarized statement that reads:

“Upon review of auction video footage and further consideration of the relevant facts, I, David L. Clabuesch, have concluded that with respect to the January 20, 2007, auction of my vehicle - a 1970 Plymouth Hemi-Cuda - conducted by Barrett-Jackson that I can no longer pursue any action alleging auction irregularities, including the claim that the car was short hammered while on the block. I have also determined that there was no relationship between Barrett-Jackson and the buyer of my vehicle, nor was there any conspiracy between Barrett-Jackson and the buyer of my vehicle, or any other person, to short hammer the sale of the car. I no longer believe that Barrett-Jackson violated the terms of the consignment agreement in conducting the auction sale or otherwise breached any duties to me as a consignor.”

Personally, I am happy that the sides have found common ground and settled.  I wish all sides the best of luck, success, health, and happiness in the future.    

Cutting through the automakers’ sales results sales pitch

While the rest of the country is busy crunching numbers to predict who will be the next President, at the Four Wheel Drift, we’re up to our eyes in auto manufacturers’ reports for 2007 deliveries and sales.  If we could predict in politics the way we forecasted sales for this year, we’d be making much more money working in D.C.

 The fact of the matter is that we don’t always believe the spin handed to us with the results, so we like to see what really mattered in the companies’ 2007 reports…and which allows us to predict what will happen in 2008 and beyond. 

Like we expected, it was a brutal year in the car business for the usual suspects.  And to no surprise, the savvy European and Asian brands not only weathered 2007, but outright excelled.  

Ford
First let’s look at the Blue Oval boys’ 2007:  

• Ford’s 2007 sales totaled 2.57 million, which was down 12 percent from 2006. 
  • Retail sales were down 10 percent and fleet sales were down 18 percent (including a 32 percent reduction in daily rental sales). 
  • More than two thirds of Ford’s sales decline reflected discontinued products.

FoMoCo Brand Sales
Ford											2,101,244		2,433,086	-13.6
Mercury											168,422		180,848	-6.9
Lincoln											131,487		120,476	9.1
Jaguar											15,683		20,683	-24.2
Volvo											106,213		115,807	-8.3
Land Rover											49,550		47,774	3.7
Total Ford Motor Company											2,572,599		2,918,674	-11.9
Mustang											134,626		166,530	-19.2
F-Series											690,589		796,039	-13.2

  

Since Ford put all of its eggs in the truck basket, it shouldn’t come as a shock that a 13.2 percent decline in F-Series trucks didn’t help overall brand performance.  And once again, those who predicted that the retro look would reinvigorate the Mustang (as well as told us we didn’t know you-know-what from Shinola when we emphatically disagreed with selling-out the brand for any short-term image gain with Baby Boomers) were proved totally wrong.  Mustang deliveries in 2007 fell 19.2 percent from 166,530 to 134,626 – and many of those are still sitting on dealer lots despite low APR financing. 

Selling Jaguar and Land Rover to Tata was obviously a great move.  If Ford can’t do something quickly to revive Volvo’s tired product line, it will be looking to send away its favorite Swedes, as well.    

Volvo’s reputation for electrical gremlins, expensive maintenance (not to mention often inept dealer service centers), and not so amazing fuel economy might be credited with steep declines in S60 (down 28.1 percent to 18,511 cars), V70 (down 32.7 percent to 3769), XC70 (down 3.8 percent to 12,628), and XC90 (down 5.6 percent to 31,336).   

General MotorsThere are two bright spots at GM. 

First is GMC, which actually saw 5.1 percent growth in the face of a market shunning domestic trucks.  Credit for GMC’s performance goes directly to the Arcadia, which sold 72, 765 units in its first full year of production. 

The second star at GM is Saturn with 6 percent growth.  Unfortunately, the percentage growth isn’t nearly as great as it should be.  Even with all its accolades, the Aura fell just short of 60,000 units – not even good enough to crack into the leaders in the midsize segment.  The true Saturn surprise looks to be the Sky, which while not outselling its Pontiac Solstice sister, did manage to see a 30 percent increase against the Solstice’s 15 percent decline. 

Buick’s performance reflects the company’s decision to focus on well-built soft, boring crossover Utes, instead of soft, boring, and poorly-executed sedans during a time when people are slow to buy either. 

As for Hummer, all we can say is that the only people more shortsighted than Hummer consumers are the yutzes who felt that investing in free-standing Hummer dealerships was a good business decision. 

Speaking of bad business decisions, the Chevy brand is busting at the seams with them.  When the lone bright spots in the Bowtie group are the long-term declining Suburban (which pulled-off a stunning 8.4-percent increase to 83,673) and the Aveo (up 15.1 percent to 67,028 units), an also-ran in the growing sub-compact segment, there’s not much about which to be happy.  Okay, we’ll throw-in the Corvette, because every year the car gets better and units always sell, but niche products aren’t enough to save GM.  Like at Buick, Cadillac, Pontiac, (and Ford, for that matter), Chevy needs top-quality products in the core segments: large sedan, midsize sedan, small sedan, and sub-compact fuel sipper.  Until then GM fans should get comfortable with results like these: 

Buick	185,791	240,657	-22.8
Cadillac	214,726	227,014	-5.4
Chevrolet	2,265,641	2,415,428	-6.2
GMC	505,746	481,222	5.1
HUMMER	55,986	71,524	-21.7
Pontiac	358,022	410,229	-12.7
Saab	32,711	36,349	-10.0
Saturn	240,091	226,375	6.

  

Chrysler

The board room at Daimler-Benz has to be breathing much easier this year with Chrysler as someone else’s nightmare.  

CHRYSLER BRAND	543,011	604,874	-10%
JEEP BRAND	475,237	460,052	3%
DODGE BRAND	1,058,402	1,077,579	-2%

 

Chrysler could only manage a 10 percent decline in sales, with brand image leaders 300 and PT Cruiser slipping 16 percent (to 120,636) and a whopping 28 percent (to 99,585) respectively.  We’re actually surprised that it took this long for the PT Cruiser to fall under 100,000 annual units, but evidently there are still many older Baby Boomers trying to look “cool” by driving a Neon-sized bucket of rattles…come to think of it, maybe the extended run can be attributed to these buyers replacing PT Cruisers every few years as they fall apart.

 One might call Jeep’s 3-percent increase a big win, but with all the new products in the brand’s lineup, it’s actually a big disappointment. 

Similarly, Dodge managed its 2-percent decrease in deliveries with a whole host of new products…most of which replaced poorly-built coupes and sedans with nicely-powered ugly crossovers that while built better, are aplomb with cheap materials.  

Furthermore, Chrysler has been running plenty of zero-down, zero-percent financing deals to move existing inventory.  And to top off the carnage, even the “lifetime” powertrain warranty doesn’t seem to be helping.  

Toyota

Best-ever year-end sales of 1,313,651 units, up 2.7 percent 

The fact that Toyota had record sales is proof that offering solid products in core segments is the winning strategy.  When Toyota sees a product not fairing well, it makes it better, as proven by the Tundra, which helped Toyota light trucks deliver best-ever sales of 977,997, an increase of 3.2 percent. 

Unlike the domestic companies, which always maintained an “in-the-now” product philosophy, Toyota is now reaping the benefits of developing fuel efficient small cars like the iconic Prius (up a huge 68.9 percent to 181,221 units) and underwhelming, but still fast-selling Yaris (up 20.2 percent to 84,799.) 

Lexus witnessed its cars jump 9.1 percent to 200,334 units, but light trucks (meaning SUVs) slipped 7.9 percent to 128,843.  Anyone who doubted the sanity of offering a hybrid powertrain in the flagship LS need only look at the near 80-percent jump to 35,226. 

Let’s not forget to mention Scion, which is actually considered a part of the Toyota brand for sales purposes.  In general, Scion stunk it up in ’07, with the xB dropping over 25 percent (to 45,834) and the tC falling just short of 20 percent to 63,852. 

Honda

Ford, Chrysler and GM can cry all they want about how horrible the market is and we still won’t shed a tear, because Honda saw record total vehicle sales of 1,371,438 (up 4.5 percent) in 2007.  Just for the record, this is the 11th consecutive yearly sales record and 14th consecutive year-over-year sales increase for the company.  As for the complaint about lagging SUV sales from the Domestics, Honda responds with record light-truck sales across Honda and Acura brands of 669,327 (up 0.3 percent), representing 43 percent of total vehicle sales. 

Acura

Honda’s entry-level luxury brand did falter by 10.8 percent to 180,104 vehicles.  But it wasn’t all bad, as Acura showed its SUVs are still very desirable by posting record year-end sales, eclipsing 2006 by 29.1 percent. 

Audi

Audi dealers sold 93,506 new vehicles during 2007, up 3.8% over 2006.  This is especially impressive, considering that this is actually sales to customers, as opposed to other manufacturers quoting deliveries to dealers, which still often need huge incentives to get customers to buy the cars off the lot. 

Subaru

187,208 total units for the year -7% 2007 

Nissan

Nissan saw sales of 76,900 units, a 2.2 percent decrease compared with last year’s 78,663 units sold.  If it weren’t for the great performance of the Altima (284,762 – an increase of 22.1 percent), though, things would have looked much worse.  Things look up for the manufacturer, too, since the GTR supercar gives a much needed halo image, while a new (and much more competitive) Maxima isn’t too far off on the horizon. 

Infiniti

On the other hand, Infiniti was an overall winner.   Its great G-series helped the company to increase car sales by 7.6 percent to 93,718. The 33,320 units of SUVs, however, were 3.3 less than 2006.   

The BMW

BMW and MINI combined for best-ever annual sales in America for both its brands of 335,840 vehicles, an increase of 7.1 percent over the 313,603 vehicles sold in 2006.    BMW seems to be the blueprint for success, with the 3-series showing an 18.6-percent increase to 142,490 (and the factory simply can’t keep up with 335 coupe and retractable-hardtop convertible orders!)  

And even though it ain’t the most fuel efficient thing on the planet, the X5’s quality and performance led it to a 31.4-percent increase to 35,202 units. 

Mazda

The forgotten Japanese automaker (at least the one not named Mitsubishi or Isuzu) had its best year since 1994.  Mazda sold 296,110 vehicles in America, an increase of 10.2 percent.   The vehicle leading the revolution at Mazda isn’t wielding a Wankel, nor is it a British-inspired roadster, rather the fun, comfortable, well-built 3 compact.  It increased its sales by 27.4 percent to 120,921. 

Speaking of Wankel rotary engines, the RX8 was off 38.3 percent to a “kill me now” 5,767 units. 

VW

Volkswagen sold 230,572 total units in 2007, a decrease of 1.9 percent.  We can simply attribute this to another 5000 or so people realizing that despite the great packaging, nice steering, available diesel engines, and wonderful seat heaters, the cars are statistically more likely to break down than anything short of a Land Rover. 

Hyundai

Hyundai increased total annual sales from 455,520 in 2006 to 467,009 in 2007.  The performance was its ninth consecutive gain, courtesy of consistently improved products.  

Kia

Kia’s bang-for-the-buck products were the key for a 14th consecutive year of record sales with 305,473 units sold, a 3.8-percent increase from 2006. Like Hyundai, Kia didn’t have a single silver bullet, rather just a good overall lineup representing most of the core product segments. 

Porsche

Porsche Cars North America delivered 34,693 units in the US, which exceeded 2006’s record-breaking sales of 34,227.  If you’re a naysayer who hates the Cayenne, and it is not enough that Porsche’s SUV helped the company to its fourth consecutive annual sales increase, then just put this statistic into your pipe and smoke it:  in 2007 Porsche sold 9,649 Boxsters and Caymans, 12,493 911s…and 12,547 Cayennes!

Automotive New Year’s Resoltions

Forget about exercise, losing weight or getting out of debt, because there are many other New Year’s resolutions that are of much greater importance to you and your car. Here are some that I have made:

I will change the oil in my daily driver every 5,000 miles!
Let’s face it – the easiest and least costly way of ensuring a car runs forever is to change the oil. Most cars running on modern non-synthetic oils can do just fine when the sump is drained and filter replaced every 5,000 miles. If we can brush our teeth twice per day, we can change the oil in the car we drive the most once per 5,000 miles.

I will change the oil in my classic cars once per year and brake fluid every three!
Even if the car only covers 250 miles in a year, the oil still attracts carbon and moisture, which reduces efficacy. DOT 3 brake fluid also absorbs water, which can cause brake cylinder pistons to seize.

I will rotate the tires on my daily driver at least once per year!
Why am I surprised when my 21,000 mile Toyota Avalon has almost no tread on the front tires? I put off rotating the tires for two years, for god’s sake. Rotating the fronts to the rear (and vice versa) can immediately improve traction and improve tire tread life. Additionally, rotating left to right can improve ride by removing tread imperfections created by suspension geometry and weight characteristics. Even though Chevy dealers send reminders to rotate Corvette tires, Corvettes (like many performance cars) have directional tread and different sizes, making rotating impossible (or at least, really, really, really unsafe.)

I will check tire pressure once per month!
Every ten degrees of ambient temperature change results in a variation of one psi of tire pressure. This means that if you last checked your tire pressure at 70 degrees, the reading at 30 degrees will be lower by at least four psi. Valve stem leaks and moisture changes can create additional loss, which means faster tire wear, worse fuel economy and sloppier handling.

I will drive my classics once every six weeks!
Why own a car if you’re not going to drive it? Every collector says they’ll drive their cars, only to get lazy. Sure, if the weather is nasty, it’s okay not to drive classics that are as topless as a Vegas showgirl. Just remember to get out for a ride (with the car, not the showgirl) once the weather permits. If you can’t find the time or desire to drive the car, sell it to someone who will use and enjoy it, because the car will simply deteriorate and be a money pit the more it sits.

I will wax my cars every six months!
Wax not only makes a car shine, it protects the paint against chips, contaminants and small scratches. Waxing doesn’t take that long, plus it prevents the need for multi-stage polishing later. Also, products like those from Griot’s Garage make waxing (and polishing) easy and fun…not to mention they smell like topical drinks.

I will help more children to appreciate cars!
By appreciate, I mean many different aspects. For teens, it means understanding vehicle dynamics and limitations. For kids it means finding cars, both old and new, as cool and fun. For all it means caring for current family cars and desiring vehicles that they currently cannot afford or justify. It also means understanding that ownership of any car is a responsibility, as well as a wonderful privilege – automobiles increase our level of freedom and ability to pursue our dreams.

I will learn more about how to fix my cars myself!
The more we know about our cars, the less it costs to maintain them. Additionally, the more we understand how all the parts work, the more we respect them.

I will take steps every month to achieve owning (or simply driving) my dream cars!
We only go around once in this life. Just because we can’t afford a brand new supercar doesn’t mean enjoyment of these fine automobiles should escape us forever. Personally, I plan to drive or own dozens of cars that others dream about without coming at the expense of retirement or my kids’ education. By buying low, selling high, saving, waiting, and being smart, we can all drive vehicles usually associated with only the rich and famous.

A Car Lover’s Night Before Christmas

(originally published in 2004 — from “Sam Barer’s Sound Classics” newspaper column)

A Christmas Eve tale for car hobbyists…

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the garage,
not an engine was running, not in a Chevy, Triumph nor Dodge.
The tools were put away with order and care,
After hours of battling dual SU carbs, causing me to rip out my hair.

My daughters and wife were all cozy in bed,
So I sprawled-out on the couch to watch Speed Channel instead.
“Pinks”, “My Classic Car” and “Victory By Design,”
Drooling over gorgeous cars that I wish were all mine.

Then a sudden urge – get ready, get set,
To go back to the garage and troubleshoot my old Corvette.
The turn signal would light when the ignition key was turned,
It probably had something to do with a wiring harness that burned.

So over the pajamas went the Roebucks coveralls,
That hang from a hook near the door on the wall.
And just as I grabbed the multimeter and test light,
I heard a rumble outside cutting right through the night.

The sound was so loud it shook the concrete floor,
I quickly identified it – a 426 Hemi with dual-fours.
It then appeared in the flesh, all shining and mean,
A 1970 Hemicuda in Sassy Grass Green.

The driver was old, fat, and had hair of silver-gray,
He looked a lot like my Dad in a strange sort of way.
In his red and white duds hauling wrapped gifts tied with ribbons,
And his beard made him look like ZZ Top’s Billy Gibbons.

More births and missionary successes meant Santa now had to hustle,
So he traded the reindeers and sleigh for something with more muscle.
But instead of giving me gifts he simply offered me a ride,
So I quickly jumped in, taking the seat on the passenger side.

Ahead of schedule this year, Santa had time for reflection,
And to show his favorite collector car columnist his personal collection.
So we raced towards the North Pole, the engine roaring loud,
Although I confess — Santa drove faster than the speed limit allowed.

On the side of Santa’s house, a warehouse was connected,
Giving enough storage space for all the great cars he collected.
On one side were Duesys, Auburns and Cords,
Towards the back were Lincolns, Mercurys, Edsels and Fords.

A Pegaso, Iso Grifo and 550 Spyder by Porsche,
Examples from Gordon-Keeble, Sabra, Tatra, Dellow and Horsch.
We talked about market trends, restoration and horsepower,
But it was clear Santa was quickly running out of prime delivery hours.

So on our way back we joked merrily,
Until we were challenged to a race by an elf in a road-spec GT40.
(At first I was shocked by this site, I really must admit,
But then again nobody taller than an elf could ever comfortably fit.)

Santa’s foot pushed the accelerator right down to the floor.
My backside went through the seat springs and my head hit the door.
It was over in twelve seconds, and of course Santa won,
Then we headed back to my house after this moment of childish fun.

So again we arrived at my humble abode,
As I got out of the car, my disappointment obviously showed.
But Santa winked, smiled and said through his beard,
“A great holiday to all, and here’s to another car crazy New Year!”