Honest Automotive Taglines

As a former marketing guy, I’m always paying attention to slogans and taglines.  The automotive industry has been a breeding ground for some very inventive, yet very unrealistic taglines over the years.  With this in mind, I decided to make-up some honest ones for automakers.

Acura – Buy an Acura, your local car thief will thank you.

Aston Martin – See yourself like James Bond, even if women don’t

Audi –  Because all the people you hate drive BMWs

Bentley –  Phat cars for people with fat wallets

BMW – Even Chris Bangle’s ugly stick and I-Drive can’t stop our cars from selling

Buick – Buy a Buick, so we don’t end up like Oldsmobile

Cadillac – Really, you don’t have to be black or Jewish to own one!

Chevrolet – The best vehicles that cost-cutting can create.

Chrysler – Beauty might be skin deep, but our inept dealer network is nationwide.

Dodge – Sucking the world’s oil supply dry one Hemi at a time.

Ferrari –  Helping to lure your third wife

Ford –  Survival is job one

GMC — The best work trucks for those whose jobs weren’t exported to
India

Honda – If your house looks like your neighbors, shouldn’t your car too?

Hummer – Every man loves a Hummer.

Hyundai – Aretha might be the Queen of Soul, but queens of Seoul drive Hyundais

Infiniti – Our cars are good, but our advertising firms ensure you don’t know that.

Isuzu – Joe Isuzu says: “We’ll be around next year…trust me.”

Jaguar — As traditionally British as oil leaks and electrical fires.

Jeep –  Because the road to the mall can be such a jungle

Kia – You get what you pay for

Lamborghini – Drives fast, breaks faster

Land Rover – Can tackle anything, including last place in JD Power quality surveys

Lexus – The best vehicles for people who hate to drive

Lincoln – The last car you’ll ever buy – at least based our average buyer’s age

Lotus – The best fifth car money can buy

Maserati – The poor-man’s Ferrari

Maybach – More luxurious than a Malibu estate. More expensive, too.

Mazda –  Our rotary engines are finally reliable now, but just in case, we offer Mazda6 and MX5 too.

Mercedes – Chrysler quality at a premium price

Mercury – Mercury is rising (to the top of Ford’s list of expendable brands)

MINI —  The most fun you can have while dodging SUVs that can’t see you

Mitsubishi — The Japanese makers of non-Japanese-like cars: fun and unreliable.

Morgan — If you want post-WWII technology, buy one of those German or American owned British cars.

Nissan – Yes we make Skyline.  No you still can’t buy it here yet.

Panoz —  A Mustang in wolf’s clothing

Pontiac – If Burt Reynolds is cool again, so is Pontiac

Porsche – You’ll buy anything we make, provided VW or Audi isn’t involved

Rolls-Royce – After a hard day’s work of crushing the middle class, isn’t it time you relaxed in a Rolls-Royce

Saab – Quirky cars for quirky people

Saturn – If you like your toaster, you’ll love a Saturn

Scion – Be the hit of the Anime convention

Subaru – Even though AWD cars understeer like heck, every day is still a winding road.

Suzuki – Yes, we know the Samurai was dangerous as hell 

Toyota –  Then: Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Now: GM and Ford

VW – Cars for people who like to drive more than to shower

Volvo – Safety: you can’t get killed in a car that’s always being serviced at the dealership

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